To You, In Mourning #002

Doyoon awoke the next day and immediately covered his eyes with his arm. The brilliant morning light shone onto his eyelids. Had he fallen asleep without closing the curtains? He felt an uneasy chill on the nape of his neck at how rested he felt.

This refreshing feeling… …could only mean he was late. He jumped up as his honed office worker senses kicked in. But before he could even fully stand up, his vision went blurry and an unfamiliar dizziness swept over him. His vision turned black. Doyoon fell back onto his bed.

Anemia… …? This was an unfamiliar concept for Doyoon, who had always been healthy. His new state of health and the comfortable sofa under him made him realize that yesterday hadn’t been a dream after all.

He was no longer Kim Doyoon, and he didn’t have a company to work at. His memory ran through all of the work he had done to be accepted at a prestigious company–the dream of all unemployed students, the ideal workplace for all. Had he worked that hard for only two short years?

But he didn’t have time to feel robbed. He glanced at the wall clock, and it was almost 11 in the morning. He couldn’t even remember the last time he woke up this late. Even more shocking was the fact that he was still tired, even after sleeping for more than 9 hours. Doyoon shifted his body to sit up to check his schedule. He was lucky that this body’s original owner hadn’t locked his phone.

There was only one class on Mondays, and it was a lecture that started at noon. He did have to rush, though–he had already skipped a week of school. The days he had spent in the hospital could be excused for medical reasons, but it would definitely affect his ability to keep up with the lecture. To be honest, this wasn’t something that was Doyoon’s responsibility, but it also wouldn’t be right for him to ignore it–he was borrowing somebody else’s body, after all.

Doyoon went into the dressing room to find some clothes and stared, mouth agape. The room was filled to the brim with clothes, shoes, watches… And all of the clothes looked interesting. Jeans that were ripped from thigh to knee, a leather jacket with chains covering the whole thing, a top covered in lace on the neck and sleeves, a t-shirt so big it looked like it would slip off his shoulders… The more he looked, the more he felt his vision blur. He grabbed the most normal-looking long-sleeved white top and put it on.

The entryway held a few car keys with expensive looking logos, but he didn’t have the courage to take any. He was lucky his school was so close. His body moved with familiar motions, but he had no idea how he needed to act once he was at school. Ye Doyoon must have had friends at school too–could he make it through the day without getting caught? He would probably have to go with the flow until he was questioned, then feign amnesia. Even if they believed it or not. Doyoon played scenarios in his head to try and prepare.

But in the end, all of his worries were for nothing.

Doyoon anxiously made his way to school, nervous about his situation. But a part of him welcomed the familiar look of his campus. He made his way to the business college and opened the door to the lecture hall. As it always went, all heads turned to see the person entering the room.

But the moment he stepped into the room, it felt like a hush fell over the room. Doyoon slowly perused the lecture hall to see if anyone wanted to greet him. A few people met his gaze, but all they did was stare before glancing away.

Was this even possible for a lecture his major? Doyoon tilted his head in confusion. Ye Doyoon might have just been one of those quiet students who just went to his classes and left. Doyoon put down his bag on an empty chair with nobody else around him and took a seat. The professor was a familiar face. He didn’t know whether to feel excited to see him or not–he was a strict professor who was infamous for handing out too many assignments and difficult exams.

Class began while he was still looking around. He remembered this professor as being extremely strict with attendance, but he was just quietly glancing at his watch without a word as students fidgeted with their phones. Wow, the students are so much bolder now… … Doyoon opened his textbook and quietly waited before he turned his head at a feeling of unease. Everyone was a bit too busy with their phones to all be fooling around.

“Excuse me.”

“Yes?”

The student next to him jumped as soon as he spoke. He looked surprised at being spoken to. Doyoon put on the kindest smile he could.

“I’m sorry, but when will this professor do roll call?”
“… …This class does digital attendance.”
“… …?”
“… …”

… …What is that.

Doyoon’s pupils shook. A thick silence enveloped them both. The other student’s eyes also seemed to shake at the prolonged eye contact.

Three weeks since the start of the semester. A junior. Doyoon knew he would look strange, but all he could do was awkwardly smile as he asked for assistance.

—

In the end, he could barely focus during class. The professor’s lecture was almost identical to the one he took years ago, but the system had changed so quickly. Was this an example of how strange the passage of time was? This abrupt change had Doyoon absolutely exhausted, as if he had just fended off an attack. He could hear the student next to him whispering to their friend but he pretended not to hear.

Doyoon slowly packed his bag to wait and see if anything happened. But not a single person in this lecture hall filled with dozens of students seemed to want to say anything to him. The business department was one of the larger departments in the college, but Doyoon had known almost everyone his graduating year. This felt wildly unfamiliar.

At this point, he began to suspect something strange. Ye Doyoon’s phone was filled with phone numbers, but none of them had attempted to contact him at all. He had no way of figuring out his social life, as the owner of this body seemed to periodically erase all call records. But what if the truth was that he had no social life to begin with? If that wasn’t the case, it made no sense that he had not a single call or visit when he was absent from school. Now it was starting to make sense.

What kind of life had Ye Doyoon lived until now? It seemed as if he was unwelcome at home, and he had nobody asking him why he had been absent from school all this time. He had nothing to say if Ye Doyoon had chosen this life, but Doyoon felt like this was a lonely, isolating life.

Doyoon walked down the hallway, his mind swirling with thoughts. His feet led him to the student dining hall. With or without friends, Ye Doyoon was alive and had to eat.

Doyoon walked down the hallway filled with lockers. Young faces paced down the hall, occupied with their own day to day lives. Doyoon slowed his pace to watch this scene and bumped into a wall that popped out of nowhere. No, it was the hard chest of a person.

“Oh, sorry.”
“Sorry.”

They spoke in tandem. Goosebumps ran down Doyoon’s arms when he heard the deep voice above him. He looked up, too stunned to respond. The other person felt his gaze and looked back at Doyoon.

The first thing that caught his eye were his delicate features. Gentle eyes with a boyish gaze, and a hard chin with a mature smile that opposed it. Maybe it was the way his dark hair covered his forehead, but the air around the man seemed quiet, like early morning.

There was no way this face would exist elsewhere, and he knew he wasn’t seeing things. Doyoon blankly opened his mouth.

“Han Gyul… …?”

The man raised a brow, seemingly surprised to hear his own name coming out of Doyoon’s mouth. But when Doyoon just continued to stare, he walked away without another glance.

‘Then call I call you ‘hyung’?’

He remembered laughing quietly at the question that took so long to ask.

‘I was wondering when you would call me that.’
‘… …Doyoon hyung.’

It was a memory from a warm afternoon, from a time when the bask of warm sunshine softened the smile on his lips.

It felt like the first splash of color in his black and white world. His heart began pounding. This wasn’t a dream. This was the world that Kim Doyoon, that he had lived in. Doyoon looked at Han Gyul’s retreating back and clenched his fists tightly.

—

Doyoon sat at a corner of the dining hall and glanced at the table across from him. The tonkatsu combo he had purchased without a thought grew soggier in front of him. He had followed Han Gyul as soon as he had regained his senses after his initial shock and joy. It wasn’t like he would be able to talk to him after following him, but he couldn’t just let him go. It helped that they were both heading to the same place.

Han Gyul quietly continued to eat as conversation flowed around him. He had been alone until just a moment ago, but someone else joined him every few steps and he was now surrounded by others. It was a familiar sight.

Han Gyul’s good looks were so renowned on campus that even Doyoon, who had been years his senior, had been well aware of it. After Doyoon’s graduation and Han Gyul’s military service they had hardly had the chance to meet, but the two of them had some fond memories between each other. He should have remembered Gyul as soon as he saw Hanguk University, but he had completely forgotten that he had returned to school.

There were also a few familiar faces next to Han Gyul. He didn’t remember any of their names though. Doyoon’s friends had graduated long ago and upperclassmen were too busy with employment opportunities to keep in touch with their juniors, after all. Thinking about it now, it was actually strange how the two of them had been able to retain their close relationship.

Han Gyul’s face seemed sharper, more tired than he remembered. His face was as handsome as ever though. It hadn’t been too long since they had met–had something happened?

Maybe he had stared too hard. Han Gyul looked straight back at him and their eyes met. Doyoon almost gave him an eye smile out of habit, but bit his tongue instead as Gyul seemed to frown. This wasn’t the time for smiling. It seemed like Han Gyul and Ye Doyoon had never interacted before.

Doyoon awkwardly looked down at the food in front of him. He wasn’t hungry, so all he could do was push around the salad on his plate before a conversation sparked his attention.

“Han Gyul-oppa, why weren’t you at school last week? Were you sick?”
“No.”
“You never skip class, so I was curious.”
“Ah… … Sunghyun-hyung said something about you. You guys were together for almost three whole days.”

Doyoon paused. By ‘Sunghyun’, did they mean Lee Sunghyun? He was one of Doyoon’s closest classmates. He graduated one year later than Doyoon and was known for being personable, so there was a high chance that they were talking about him. It felt odd as another connection bloomed from Han Gyul to himself.

From Doyoon’s memories, Gyul and Sunghyun had never been close enough to meet together outside of school. To be frank, the two of them had always had a strained relationship as they found the other uncomfortable. He wondered why the two of them had met.

“Are you okay? I was also shocked at hearing the news… …”
“… …”
“You were close with Kim Doyoon-sunbae.”

His chopsticks clattered onto the table. The sharp noise garnered a few gazes but he couldn’t move. His fingers seemed frozen in place.